You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just want to make out with him forever
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
