I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
