I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
