my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
