Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize