Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
