we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
