she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
