I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
