i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
