textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
