Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
