She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
