Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
