I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
