I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
