I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
