he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
