it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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