i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
