i just wanna soil my oats bro
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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