I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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