Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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