guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
