so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
