theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
