every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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