Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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