You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
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Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
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Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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