I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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