i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
