Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
