So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
