slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
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I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
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You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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