I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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