so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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