Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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