Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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