So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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