Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
