im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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