sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
