i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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