Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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