I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
