Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
