I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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