Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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