I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
from now on my penis is your penis
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
