perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
