I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
i think i just lost a toe
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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