Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
