Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
