We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
