i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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