So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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