Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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