1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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