so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
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he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
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Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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