Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
