perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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