I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
