This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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