he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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