Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
