I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
