my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
