Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
