I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
