I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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