it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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