why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
