Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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