apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I touched a dick in church today
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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