I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
farters have to be the big spoon...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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