I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
