I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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