Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
So many bounce houses so little time
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
