in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
