i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The air was thick with penises
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Randomize
