don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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