he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
