Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You need a sexual gate keeper
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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