dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
