yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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