You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize
