I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I need to align my fucking chakras
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
