I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
