it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
